
I consider myself an adventurous man, unafraid of trying new things and so sometimes . . . sometimes i find myself hungering for meats other than that which can be found on the shelves of our local Tesco. sometimes i want to eat animals that no one else has really eaten before, the last time i visited an aquarium i found myself yearning to try every fish in every glass case. so until i earn enough money to buy steaks of the world's rarest and juiciest animals (or until i learn the skills necessary to steal the animals from their respective protective enclosures and Zoos) I may only dream, and so here is a list of animals that i dream of eating:
PANDA

Pandas are universally renowned as God's laziest children. descended from the same ancestors as the mighty Grizzly and Polar Bears, Pandas (perhaps knocked into apathy by the stunning achievements of their cousins) have decided to slack off monumentally and become, dare i say it, Herbivores! These insults to nature as so lazy that they cannot even bring themselves to mate with each other and affirm the fate of their species. it is as if each individual is aware of the pathetic worthlessness of their existence, it's like they don't want to exist!
THEY'RE PRACTICALLY BEGGING US TO EAT THEM!
preferred method of consumption:
Stir-Fried, in honour of their Chinese heritage.
ELEPHANTS

preferred method of consumption:
A big fat juicy steak, cooked by a coked up celebrity chef in the finest restaurant of all London. served with truffles, caviar and eaten with Ivory cutlery.
ANACONDA

preferred method of consumption:
Soup-of-Anaconda

also, because it's the closest i can get to people without being officially declared evil or a cannibal. there are a couple of options here for consumption here i could go for a chilled monkey brains indiana jones style, or i could go down the alliteration route and enjoy some minced monkey meatballs.
preferred method of consumption:
fried whole. in batter.
Why? because YUM! that's why! Monkey is a pretty broad term encompassing many thousands of different species...
but there's only one species i want. those little guys in the picture above, i'll dip em in syrup, roll em in breadcrumbs and toss em in the deep fat fryer.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
AND THAT CONCLUDES MY LIST!
You may disagree with my choices. You may think that i am horrible, you may even think that i am evil. i probably am. but ask yourself this, if you had the power would you not do the same?
YOURS,
BEAR
also, check out this site. sexual comedy? BWAHAHAHAHAHA
:):):)
ReplyDeletethis made me smile so much, one question though, would you really? i mean really really?? even the cute little monkey things (what are those anyway)?
They're baby Capuchins, and i hear they taste great jerked.
ReplyDeletehmmmm.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you monkeys taste great stewed. Better when they're not protected by law.
ReplyDelete