Cat and Bear investigate: INSTANT KARMA!

I guess it's time to lower the tone around here. 

'bout time too, Cat was making it all Cerebral and stuff, with poems and junk...

I especially love the way the ambushers whooping laugh of victory is cut short.

YOURS,

BEAR

Cat and Bear investigate: THE MICHEAL JACKSON-SIZED HOLE IN POPULAR MUSIC

This is the end of an 'AGE' people, an 'ERA', an 'EPOCH'... THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!! Michael Jackson is Dead. and not like Zombie dead, dead dead, like, not able to be rebuilt with plastic. 

the OFFICIAL story is that he died of a Heart Attack, but i know the truth people!! JARVIS COCKER WENT BACK TO FINISH THE JOB!

But on a real, Michael is, sorry . . . WAS the king of Pop, and as such, whenever any Monarch passes away a bitter power struggle rages away in the power vacuum left behind, so as a monument to the undisputed king of pop i have compiled a list of his heirs and their likelihood of being crowned King and taking control of the kingdom of pop. here is my list:

R.KELLY

R.Kelly definetly gets close with the whole Paedophilia thing and general creep factor but falls at the final hurdle by having a waning career and a lyrical back-catalouge that revolves mainly around ass. however i DO think he should do a cover album anyway. lead single: "blame it on the bootie". 

KANYE WEST

Kanye definetly has the Egomania (and, some would say, the talent) to match the Late great King, but alas no sexual preferences (read: bald chicks) that count as truly shocking nowadays. 

BREEZY

hmmmm, maybe if he hadn't backhanded Rihanna, maybe...

WEEZY

i could see Weezy attaining the status, but only if he engages in some serious sexual perversion and avoids the rock music, or maybe a drastic career change is what's needed for the man who embraces all his obstacles head on, he has given himself the prefix 'Little' for God's sake, I'm slightly (emphasis on the slightly) below average height and would simply die if somebody were to even mention my height in passing. so, props to Weezy for embracing his failings and turning them to advantages, i feel probably the only thing standing in his way at the moment is his perceived 'thuggishness' and whether or not the establishment will embrace it or force him to change (that said, we do live in an age where people say 'for real?' on BBC News without ANYBODY batting an eyelid, when that happened i nearly fell off of my chair.)

hmmmmm . . . after examining the candidates, i think that the truth of the matter is, Pop has no more need for a king. like the Tzars' Russia in retaliation for it's selfish and greedy ways, the music industry has had its back broken by us, the little people. how? i hear you ask; with downloads, with trillions and squillions and brazillions of downloads. WE have killed the King of Pop, the kingdom of pop has just become a revolutionary republic, utterly Marxist, totally utilitarian, where all artists are equal. equally broke.

Yours 

BEAR

THE KING IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE DOWNLOAD!

Cat and Bear investigate: IMPRESSIVE INTERNET SELF-HOSPITALIZATION IV!!!!

i don't think i really need to explain this video. and i'm beginning to think that any over explanation only really detracts from the video. so in the future i'll keep the explanation on video posts to a minimum and concentrate on longer articles.

Yours,
BEAR

Cat and Bear investigate: QUESTIONABLE BARACK OBAMA FAN-ART

ROFFLE!

oh, who am i kidding? THIS IS THE SUPER BEST EVER!

Yours,

BEAR

also, check out THIS. triple super best ever.

Cat and Bear investigate: PLEASE SAY SOMETHING... a.k.a.THE BEST SHORT FILM EVARR!

I urge you all to watch the above video. David O'Reilly is a genius.

i will be the first to admit that i toss the 'Best Ever' label around alot, and so, since i am unwilling to scale back my 'Best Ever' usage vow to create a new, more suitable term. and here it is . . . .

SUPER BEST EVER!

yes, this film is SUPER BEST EVER. deceptively deep, gloriously multi-layered and visually rewarding 'Please Say Something' is the SUPER BEST EVER. and truly beautiful.

here is a link to the film and here is a link to his personal webiste, feauturing lots of cool animation work for the likes of M.I.A and David Shrigley and suchlike.

Please, Enjoy.

Yours, 

BEAR

also, watch out for the Cameo from God about halfway through.

Cat and Bear investigate: TWO SUNS

Firstly, an apology to our avid (and hopefully existent) readers, for not posting a blog in ages.

Secondly, an apology to Miss Natasha Khan, as today I said her second album Two Suns was not that good, but I apologise because it's actually great; I was thinking in comparison to your debut album Fur and Gold, which was more or less flawless...

CAT.

ps. listen to "wilderness," the bonus track on Two Suns on youtube or something, it made me feel lovely and happy

Cat and Bear investigate: CITIES ARE DISGUSTING!

Cities are disgusting. 

Wretched hives of scum and villainy, governed and designed by imagination-less, shortsighted Morons and infested with idiots, it is little wonder that, far from being the wondrous marble and silver gilded utopias promised by olden days sci-fi, our cities are in reality colossal conurbations of concrete crap-tasticulacrity. Normally, at this point, i would vomit forth a detailed and vitriolic list replete with appropriate and comical pictures. And today is no different, BEHOLD my list of aggravating problems and their overly-idealistic solutions!

CARS

Cars are horrible. Buses are barely better and Vans, pshaw, don't get me started on Vans (not the trainers though, they're grrrreat!). It is fair to say that almost all of my grievances with cities have something to do with cars. Indeed when one fully weighs up the pro's and con's of the personal automobile it is easy to see that they are ultimately an impractical and selfish mode of transport. they are responsible for urban sprawl, air and sound pollution and they kill the rainforest. if you own a car you are killing the rainforest. why do you hate the rainforest?

My Solution:

bicycles for all. most people laugh when i tell them this but i'm absolutely serious.

my imaginary government scheme works like this: a family trades in their car and each member recieves a bicycle. all cars are scrapped to provide the materials required to make bicycles for whole country, the bicycle industry booms and millions of jobs are created, pollutuion levels drop drastically as do obesity levels (cos everyone has to pedal up hills). the result of my plan; an ultra fit and healthy Britain. 

Cities have been built around Cars for decades now, it's one of the reasons cities are often so unnecessarily sprawl-y and big, once we do away with cars cities will be able to hold more people and things, they will be able to grow inwards, taking up the space once given over solely to cars (e.g. roads and parking lots). public transport networks will be solidified for movement between cities and some motor-ways will have to still be maintained but other than for industry all automobiles will go. can you imagine how much quieter it will be?

EDIT: someone mentioned the lack of water-proofing offered by bicycles. so in conjunction with a bicycle every person would receive also a top of the line raincoat to keep them dry and a jumper to keep them warm.

OIL

I'm sure your not an idiot (hey, your reading this blog and that's a pretty solid indicator of intelligence) but even if you were an idiot you'd know about the crippling cost of Oil and our crippling dependency upon it. i could ramble on about the ramifications of using russian and middle eastern oil and energy, the precariousness of the whole situation and how bad it all is but i know that other people can do that better and that's not why you come here, so instead i do what i do best and tell you about ...

My Solution:

Wind Farms, EVERYWHERE.

I'm not just on about out in the countryside and crap. oh hell no, I'm on about wind-farms EVERYWHERE. on top of every house, built into the sides of skyscrapers, EVERYWHERE. in my plans every single spot that has even a slight breeze will have a couple of wind turbines  nearby. "But what about the Canadian Geese?" i hear you cry, "What about them?" i bark back, in my personal utopia (which is what i'm describing btw) i would have teams of people employed to scan the bases of wind farms to look for remains of geese ... TO EAT! yeah, you heard me. i want to eat Canadian Geese, what did you think i was joking when i said i wanted to eat as many different types of animal as possible? I was for real. obviously it's not windy all the time so i would also pour money into researching methods to increase the efficiency of solar panels and ways to tap geothermal energy.

PIGEONS AND RATS

By far and away the most disgusting aspect of urban dwelling is having to see vermin. for too long has man suffered the nips and bites of rodents and rodent-like birds. i'm sure you don't need me to tell you why these creatures are disgusting. so here i offer . . . 

My Solution:

Air rifles for all.

That is my list, there are a couple of problems i didn't touch (such as Garbage, Sewage etc) but my excuse is that these problems are already being tackled on some level or they are too depressing to talk about but if you think i've missed something really obvious, or you disagree with me then i challenge you! i'm calling all the naysayers out! if you disagree, put up or shut up! i wanna hear what you think in the comments section. or not. whatever.

Yours,

BEAR

Also, just telling y'all that my world exclusive interview with Mr. Dogshit is coming right up very soon. and, um, Picture wise this is probably the most disgusting post i've ever written, and so i apologise if i have made anyone borrf or, even worse, if i have dissuaded you from eating. 

Cat and Bear investigate: IMPRESSIVE INTERNET SELF-HOSPITALIZATION no.3!!!

OH MY GOD! I HAVE A NEW FAVOURITE VIDEO!

Ok this one starts off weird, like really weird, gets weirder and then finishes off ... well, i'll let you see for your self. and whilst i sincerely hope this is all for real, if it's not, then this video is a work of utter artistic genius.

and Yes, the 'self-hospitalization' aspect is a little circuitous, but i feel as though this video deserves the title because A) he shouldn't have trained his Dog to lick his crotch whilst naked and B) he shouldn't have been hanging half way out of the window whilst naked. none of this would have happened had he had pants on.

all bad things are better when you've got pants on.

Yours,

BEAR

BTW, this vid was spotted over at 'Why That's Delightful' a delightful site written by none other than the living legend that is Graham Linehan.

Cat and Bear investigate: LAZY PICARD

is everyone a nerd here? you are? good.

you simply will not get this unless you've watched at least five hours of star trek, if you have, well done (i guess) you are now qualified to watch this funny video. Well done.

Yours,

BEAR

Also, i haven't seen the movie yet and probably won't get to see it in cinemas, tis a shame, looks like it would have been good on a huge screen.