Cat and Bear investigate: THE MICHEAL JACKSON-SIZED HOLE IN POPULAR MUSIC

This is the end of an 'AGE' people, an 'ERA', an 'EPOCH'... THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!! Michael Jackson is Dead. and not like Zombie dead, dead dead, like, not able to be rebuilt with plastic. 

the OFFICIAL story is that he died of a Heart Attack, but i know the truth people!! JARVIS COCKER WENT BACK TO FINISH THE JOB!

But on a real, Michael is, sorry . . . WAS the king of Pop, and as such, whenever any Monarch passes away a bitter power struggle rages away in the power vacuum left behind, so as a monument to the undisputed king of pop i have compiled a list of his heirs and their likelihood of being crowned King and taking control of the kingdom of pop. here is my list:

R.KELLY

R.Kelly definetly gets close with the whole Paedophilia thing and general creep factor but falls at the final hurdle by having a waning career and a lyrical back-catalouge that revolves mainly around ass. however i DO think he should do a cover album anyway. lead single: "blame it on the bootie". 

KANYE WEST

Kanye definetly has the Egomania (and, some would say, the talent) to match the Late great King, but alas no sexual preferences (read: bald chicks) that count as truly shocking nowadays. 

BREEZY

hmmmm, maybe if he hadn't backhanded Rihanna, maybe...

WEEZY

i could see Weezy attaining the status, but only if he engages in some serious sexual perversion and avoids the rock music, or maybe a drastic career change is what's needed for the man who embraces all his obstacles head on, he has given himself the prefix 'Little' for God's sake, I'm slightly (emphasis on the slightly) below average height and would simply die if somebody were to even mention my height in passing. so, props to Weezy for embracing his failings and turning them to advantages, i feel probably the only thing standing in his way at the moment is his perceived 'thuggishness' and whether or not the establishment will embrace it or force him to change (that said, we do live in an age where people say 'for real?' on BBC News without ANYBODY batting an eyelid, when that happened i nearly fell off of my chair.)

hmmmmm . . . after examining the candidates, i think that the truth of the matter is, Pop has no more need for a king. like the Tzars' Russia in retaliation for it's selfish and greedy ways, the music industry has had its back broken by us, the little people. how? i hear you ask; with downloads, with trillions and squillions and brazillions of downloads. WE have killed the King of Pop, the kingdom of pop has just become a revolutionary republic, utterly Marxist, totally utilitarian, where all artists are equal. equally broke.

Yours 

BEAR

THE KING IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE DOWNLOAD!

Cat and Bear investigate: PLEASE SAY SOMETHING... a.k.a.THE BEST SHORT FILM EVARR!

I urge you all to watch the above video. David O'Reilly is a genius.

i will be the first to admit that i toss the 'Best Ever' label around alot, and so, since i am unwilling to scale back my 'Best Ever' usage vow to create a new, more suitable term. and here it is . . . .

SUPER BEST EVER!

yes, this film is SUPER BEST EVER. deceptively deep, gloriously multi-layered and visually rewarding 'Please Say Something' is the SUPER BEST EVER. and truly beautiful.

here is a link to the film and here is a link to his personal webiste, feauturing lots of cool animation work for the likes of M.I.A and David Shrigley and suchlike.

Please, Enjoy.

Yours, 

BEAR

also, watch out for the Cameo from God about halfway through.

Cat and Bear investigate: CITIES ARE DISGUSTING!

Cities are disgusting. 

Wretched hives of scum and villainy, governed and designed by imagination-less, shortsighted Morons and infested with idiots, it is little wonder that, far from being the wondrous marble and silver gilded utopias promised by olden days sci-fi, our cities are in reality colossal conurbations of concrete crap-tasticulacrity. Normally, at this point, i would vomit forth a detailed and vitriolic list replete with appropriate and comical pictures. And today is no different, BEHOLD my list of aggravating problems and their overly-idealistic solutions!

CARS

Cars are horrible. Buses are barely better and Vans, pshaw, don't get me started on Vans (not the trainers though, they're grrrreat!). It is fair to say that almost all of my grievances with cities have something to do with cars. Indeed when one fully weighs up the pro's and con's of the personal automobile it is easy to see that they are ultimately an impractical and selfish mode of transport. they are responsible for urban sprawl, air and sound pollution and they kill the rainforest. if you own a car you are killing the rainforest. why do you hate the rainforest?

My Solution:

bicycles for all. most people laugh when i tell them this but i'm absolutely serious.

my imaginary government scheme works like this: a family trades in their car and each member recieves a bicycle. all cars are scrapped to provide the materials required to make bicycles for whole country, the bicycle industry booms and millions of jobs are created, pollutuion levels drop drastically as do obesity levels (cos everyone has to pedal up hills). the result of my plan; an ultra fit and healthy Britain. 

Cities have been built around Cars for decades now, it's one of the reasons cities are often so unnecessarily sprawl-y and big, once we do away with cars cities will be able to hold more people and things, they will be able to grow inwards, taking up the space once given over solely to cars (e.g. roads and parking lots). public transport networks will be solidified for movement between cities and some motor-ways will have to still be maintained but other than for industry all automobiles will go. can you imagine how much quieter it will be?

EDIT: someone mentioned the lack of water-proofing offered by bicycles. so in conjunction with a bicycle every person would receive also a top of the line raincoat to keep them dry and a jumper to keep them warm.

OIL

I'm sure your not an idiot (hey, your reading this blog and that's a pretty solid indicator of intelligence) but even if you were an idiot you'd know about the crippling cost of Oil and our crippling dependency upon it. i could ramble on about the ramifications of using russian and middle eastern oil and energy, the precariousness of the whole situation and how bad it all is but i know that other people can do that better and that's not why you come here, so instead i do what i do best and tell you about ...

My Solution:

Wind Farms, EVERYWHERE.

I'm not just on about out in the countryside and crap. oh hell no, I'm on about wind-farms EVERYWHERE. on top of every house, built into the sides of skyscrapers, EVERYWHERE. in my plans every single spot that has even a slight breeze will have a couple of wind turbines  nearby. "But what about the Canadian Geese?" i hear you cry, "What about them?" i bark back, in my personal utopia (which is what i'm describing btw) i would have teams of people employed to scan the bases of wind farms to look for remains of geese ... TO EAT! yeah, you heard me. i want to eat Canadian Geese, what did you think i was joking when i said i wanted to eat as many different types of animal as possible? I was for real. obviously it's not windy all the time so i would also pour money into researching methods to increase the efficiency of solar panels and ways to tap geothermal energy.

PIGEONS AND RATS

By far and away the most disgusting aspect of urban dwelling is having to see vermin. for too long has man suffered the nips and bites of rodents and rodent-like birds. i'm sure you don't need me to tell you why these creatures are disgusting. so here i offer . . . 

My Solution:

Air rifles for all.

That is my list, there are a couple of problems i didn't touch (such as Garbage, Sewage etc) but my excuse is that these problems are already being tackled on some level or they are too depressing to talk about but if you think i've missed something really obvious, or you disagree with me then i challenge you! i'm calling all the naysayers out! if you disagree, put up or shut up! i wanna hear what you think in the comments section. or not. whatever.

Yours,

BEAR

Also, just telling y'all that my world exclusive interview with Mr. Dogshit is coming right up very soon. and, um, Picture wise this is probably the most disgusting post i've ever written, and so i apologise if i have made anyone borrf or, even worse, if i have dissuaded you from eating. 

Cat and Bear investigate: SUPERMARKETS

The subject of supermarkets came to my attention today.

Mainly because upon opening my Metro newspaper on the bus this morning, i encountered a giant advertisement for Marks and Spencers, which said that from tomorrow, to celebrate their 125th birthday, they will be selling things from a stall for :

1p.

It's quite shocking how this recession deep depression thingy has made all supermarkets so desperately desperate and paranoid that they are going to lose customers that, not only have they resorted to supreme bitchiness (ie."look! we have 12 baskets cheaper than ASDA!") but they have also gone down the route of, yes, selling things for 1p.

go chekc out marks and spencers tomorrow if you dont believe me! my mummy is.


FISHY.
CAT.
LOVE.
........

(p.s M&S, not that this is a bad idea or anything, it's actually a good idea that you're selling cufflinks and what-not for a penny, because im the one who is saving money.
But i bet that Sainsburys will come out with a similar scheme next week.)

Cat and Bear investigate: JIM CARREY

I don't really care what anyone says. but, yO..

JIM CARREY IS THE BEST.

i think he's so good that even his non-comedy movies are good. seriously though, i was planning to say more but i don't think i need to, i don't think there's anything more to say.

Yours,

BEAR

Cat and Bear investigate: SWORDFISH

I got really excited today because we were having swordfish for dinner, and because I’m a cat and i like seafood, especially odd sounding seafood, I was kind of looking forward to it. But then I got disappointed because it turned out to be kind of ordinary and unappealing, like a slab of white slightly watery fishyness. And the taste was all mashed-up; somewhere in between chicken and tuna fish. I didn’t finish it because I was so upset.

Apparently, according to many people, everything weird tastes like chicken. Crocodile tastes like chicken. Snake tastes like chicken. Rabbit tastes like chicken. I’ve not tried any of those, but if you’ve tried those and haven’t tried swordfish yet, well, you ought to know that swordfish also goes into the category of weird-food-that-tastes-like-chicken, and so isn’t really worth trying, since we all know what chicken tastes like.

Maybe because my mum made swordfish with soy sauce and spring onions, Chinese style, it didn’t really work.
Maybe if she'd made this instead? :

Paprika Swordfish with Kiwi and Chorizo Salsa recipe

ingredients
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

2 tbsp hot smoked paprika

4 swordfish steaks

100 g chorizo, cut into 1 cm dice

6 kiwi fruits, peeled and cut into 1 cm dice

2 tbsp fruttato Sardinian extra virgin olive oil

method1. In a bowl combine together the olive oil and paprika, rub liberally onto the swordfish steaks and put to one side to marinate while making the salsa. 2. Place a frying pan over a moderate heat and cook the chorizo for 3-4 minutes, then stir in the kiwi. 3. Heat a griddle pan or frying pan and cook the swordfish for 2-3 minutes on each side. 4. Transfer to serving plates, top with the salsa, drizzle over some olive oil and serve.

If you make any, please give feedback on whether or not kiwi and swordfish is a sane combination..

Love

Cat.

(p.s although that photograph is advertising swordfish in a postivie way. it looks yummy there)

Cat and Bear investigate: IMPRESSIVE INTERNET SELF-HOSPITALIZATION no.2!

It's time to lower the tone around here. Cat was making it all cerebral and whatnot.

I got some good feeback from my last 'Self-Hospitalization' post so here's number two: This ones a little more grisly (pun definetly intended!) than the last one, but the obvious and shocking injury the man sustains is hilariously counterpointed by his adorable accent, drunken commentary, shocking lack of judgement and his cut-short catcall of 'YEEEEEEEE-' [HAAA] 

a little more research into this video reveals that this guy is called 'Captain Video' (great name, is it too late to change the name of the blog?) and he was doing jackass-style 'stunts' on american cable television in, like, the eighties. very impressive and forward thinking. 

i enjoy writing about people hurting themselves by accident, theres something poetic about the fact that they also managed to catch it on camera. i plan to do many many more posts like this, don't let me down World. keep acting stupid and providing me with me shit to write about.

Yours,

BEAR

also, i utterly utterly disagree with Cat's last post. Sci-Fi is the BEST. if you don't appreciate Sci-Fi there's something very WRONG with you. 

Cat and Bear investigate: GREAT GORILLAZ DOCUMENTARY STREAMING FREE NOW

If your anything like me you have good taste in music. if you have good taste in music odds are you own a CD by Gorillaz. The first CD i ever bought was by Gorillaz, Ah memories. 

There's a fantastic new documentary called 'Bananaz' that follows Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett around from the beginning through the peaks and troughs, from the first concept sketches to the sell out shows in Harlem's Apollo Theatre. to the credit of all involved it achieves everything a good documentary should, showcasing the creative genius and skewed humour of Hewlett and Albarn. best of all the documentary makes you feel as though you, the viewer, has achieved something, been part of it all.

I couldn't recommend it more.

even if you don't like Gorillaz (or good music, I'm looking at you Cat) It's great just to hear their charming, chirpy little cockney accents slagging off all in vicinity. something for everyone.

CHECK IT OUT NOW BEFORE IT GETS TAKEN DOWN

Yours,

BEAR